Why Russian men do not want to marry

A cynical man’s approach to the most vivid women’s problem

Here you can find explanations for the most popular Russian men’s position in the issue of marriage. A men’s look at this problem has more sense, as long as most articles and guide-books on how to get married written by women contain absolutely fruitless recommendations. If you want to learn common language with men, you need to know the thread of men’s thoughts and understand their logic. Otherwise, you will have to make them think the way women do. There is even a possibility that you succeed, but the men will be men no more...

Your relations may seem to be on the climb. You might have mutual consideration, sex and interests in common… But will that inspire him to make an “honest woman” of you? His answer is “no”! - But why? – But what for?

Indeed, why the hell should a man get married? What can make him do it?

Sex?

Sex is a natural need of any male organism. Demand for sex culminates by the age of 14 and keeps up approximately till the age of 20. This is a complex situation. You have a lot of desires but lack of experience leaves you no chance to fulfill them. You keep thinking of it all the time. Your only opportunity to make love after one or two successful dates once a week cannot match the desire to have it everyday and many times a day. Marriage provides you with opportunity to have it regularly. Why don’t you get married then? Ok, and the young man heads for the church.

At the same time, sexual demands of a woman reach their highest rate at the age of 45 with the whole previous life being just a period of slow “climb” to this top. An attempt to touch a girl’s growing bosom or see the color of her panties through the flight of stairs is regarded by boys as an act of sexual bravery, while girls consider it vulgar.

Many teenagers marry young only to gain this “subscription” sex. This even makes them think that they marry for love. But at the age of 25-30 most men learn to think with the “upper part” of their body, whereas many women of their age become interested in having extramarital “free” sex. Sexual concern passes off alongside with the so-called “love”.

Free of moral constraints, modern society offers a lot of opportunities to satisfy one’s sexual needs. You can do it both for free or for some “reward”. Sex is a nice way to attract a man, but it will not help you to make him stay with you. And, all the more so, sex will not make him exchange the whole variety of women for the only one woman whatsoever good she might be in bed. No Kamasutra will help. Marriages based upon men’s sexual concern break up soon after the man is 25-30. For the older age such a marriage is impossible as such.

Harmony of interests and goals?

Harmony of interests and goals is a nice background for mutual understanding. But this is not the case for marriage. You can spend long hours talking about life, listening to favorite music, watching the same movies and TV shows, but yet there is no reason to make a family. You can have this lovely time with your friend, lover or a girlfriend as well.

Some couples are thrown together by common business. Captured with common ideas, they sit up in the office and call or email each other on business matters getting home. Finally, it happens so that one day they stay together in the office being too late to go home… It may seem only natural to register their marriage, as they already spend together 25 hours a day. But nothing of the kind! Any man understands that working in the same office with your wife is not the best idea. One of them will have to quit this job. Most men, facing such a situation, will rather opt for joint work than marriage.

Everyday life?

Any man wants to eat, wear tidy clothes and live in a relatively clean house. One would consider it enough to go to church, if the woman is able and willing to look after his house. However, that is not so. At least for the majority of men. A woman who cooks well is a good cook but not a wife, as well as a woman who cleans the house well can be a good housemaid, but not a wife either.

A man with average income who has no family (we don’t consider those who are already married, do we?) can afford eating out, at least in some kind of fast-food restaurant. Moreover, there are a lot of convenient food stores where 24 hours a day you can buy quite edible products that can be easily cooked in a microwave. There are washing-machines and laundries, dishwashers and wet-dry vacuum cleaners. By the way, it’s easier to buy new socks than wait for somebody to wash them. Finally, many men don’t mind cooking and cleaning their house themselves.

Moreover, most men have mothers who can keep the house not worse than any wife can and at the same time would not quarrel if the man gapes upon a pretty young girl in a short skirt.

Of course, every man will be sincerely grateful for tasty meal and a good sweep-up in his bachelors’ house. But comparing all pros and cons, he usually decides that a guaranteed plate of soup is yet too high price for his freedom.

Social status?

If a woman in Russia gets married, they call it “she got him caught”. She is a winner. A married man in Russia is a looser who let himself go trapped. Being married is prestigious for a woman, but nothing of the kind for a man. Bachelor is a free person, while a single woman is either unwanted or abandoned by her man. Women search for “free” men and avoid those who are married. At the same time, the fact that the woman is married would not prevent a man from courting her, or rather even attract him. Of course, a model appearance beauty by one’s side can essentially improve one’s social status, the way expensive cars do. However, models are rare stuff and not everyone can get them. But what should be done for average attractive women? They have almost no chance. Russian regrettable statistics suggests that there are five women willing to get married in Russia for each man who does not object taking a wife.

At the same time, in the US the situation is exactly the opposite. There are five men seeking for their partner in life for each single woman. American girls do not seek for a husband to support them financially as they pronounce their independence. In the first place they want to get proper education, manage their own business, obtain stable income and only then think of marriage, if at all. Thus, having a wife is prestigious and every man inspires for getting married. This is as if you were trying to secure a place at the University that takes only one student of each five applicants. A married man is considered successful and stable. It will be easier for him to tie up deals, to be given credits or advanced for the highest positions.

However, Russia has different problems.

Children?

Maternal drive is one of the main instincts of a woman. A female is eager to bear a child, to feed and educate him or her. For this purpose there must be a man who would support the woman in this undertaking. Desire to become mother possibly is the most powerful stimulus to get married. Quite the opposite, male instincts are dictated by other biological reasons. A male organism is intended to plant his seeds in the largest possible female space. By no means would I deny men’s attachment to their children, which can sometimes be stronger than any female feelings, but nevertheless fatherly love appears at the stage a bit later, when the child becomes a human rather than a little speechless creature. For this reason, a woman who tries to tie the man up with their common child gets negative result: first he stays late at work, then he gets into a love affair or starts drinking.

Undoubtedly, there are men who behave real gentlemen and make an honest woman of their pregnant girlfriend. But, as proved by experience, such a marriage is very undurable and harmful for children’s psychology and health. As well there are some men who since their early years want to have children, but, unfortunately, suchlike men are very few.

Love? Only love!

Every woman can bring joy to your life. Some when they enter, others when they leave. You feel comfortable with some of them but all the more so comfortable without, whereas there also those that don’t make you comfortable, but you just can’t do without them. Men prefer to go out, have sex and keep company with the first type. But the women they marry are those they can’t do without. For them they will endure innumerable inconveniences and even sacrifice their freedom. Maybe, this is the case we should call love, which should not be confused with sudden rave or sexual desire. This is the most vivid, if not the only reason that really induces men to marry. If there is no love, nothing remains for you but to read female guide-books on how to get married using any kind of manipulations.